Complain complain complain

I know this will be a bit emo but I came to realize a couple of things I hate in myself. I'll just start the bullshit then. Firstly I love way to much. Meaning that I love too quick, too much and too long, and it often causes a lot of unnescesary pain. I am tired of still longing for persons I now despise, I am tired of thinking of people I barely see, or know for that matter. I just want to be happy with the one I wish to be happy with, is that too much to ask for? It is not only in the love section I feel way to much but the other feelings doesn't bother me that much. No other feeling next to sadness brings just that much, well, sadness. It sucks and it's probably the base to most of my depressions.

There, that was one thing I hate with me, the other is my foolish tendency to measure myself up to people way smarter than me. That is sort of twice annoying as I then hate myself for beeing worse than what seems like everyone else, and it makes me hate myself for hating myself for it. I did manage to find what most likely is the reason for it though. All my cousins and siblings are successfull in what they do, having studied things like law, bioengineering, computer science. And then of course it's the ones beeing able to brag about stuff like, army officer, winner of the norwegian dancing championship etc etc. What do I have to show of my life? Well, average grades, halfway in a seemingly wasted bachelor and a solid mess of everything I've ever tried to do. Comparing with morons would probably remove this feeling of myself beeing a failiure....

I think I need some outside love.