!

"Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god,wake me"
It was about here I got my 5th chill during that song. What am I talking about? Why, Metallica live of course. It blew me away. We showed up late, for shame, and missed Turboneger by 10 minutes or so. But hey, you win some, you lose some. Despite this lack of respect to the timescedule we got pretty neat places, not close enough to smell Kirk's breath but close enough to be comfortable, and of course see the little men running around on the stage. Being 1.90 pays off at concerts. We met up with Øyvind and his master and even though he himself sped of to try to start a Mosh, his master stayed behind and enjoyed the concert with us. They started the show with a song called "The Ecstacy of Gold" in which I feared they'd skip, seeing it is purely instrumental and sorta needs an orchestra. They solved that quite nicely and we could all enjoy a beautifull song to set a mood. Then they started to play and I pay no justice at all trying to describe it so I'll just skip it. However it was great with many great songs like "Master of Puppets", "Fuel", "Battery" and so on and so forth. When they came to "Nothing Else Matters" during their "extra" I was so content. When the pyroworks fired of as introduction to "One" I was in heaven. It was awesome, putting that word to it's proper use. Now I'm dead tired but deeply content. I'm happy so to say. If one were to do one fun thing this year it ought to have been that very concert.

Watching fireflies.

Watching the fireflies without eyes
Eating the apple without taste
Hearing the wind without ears
Loving without a heart
Living without a love

I have no idea what fireflies really look like in real life but I imagine it being one of lifes prettiest things. "Sometimes I just wish to kill myself, sometimes I just want to kill everyone else" I'd perhaps say if I was fourteen. I'm not and my continous despair must be wented otherwise. Here perhaps? Perhaps. In a hundred years all that seems significant now will be unimportant. Maybe I should sleep a hundred years or so. But then again by then the world is probably destroyed by something or someone. I'm afraid of dying, not because it's painfull or anything, I just don't want to end this. Once I considered killing myself because I was so afraid of death that it hurt. Kind of paradocsal huh? Made perfect sense at the time, and probably the only reason why I didn't do it was uncertainity. A faint belief in christianity or something similar. That doesn't exist anymore, nor has it for many years. I've stopped thinking of killing myself, but never stopped fearing death. I seldom cry anymore though, perhaps I'm getting used to the idea? "There are worse things than death," they say, "I'd like to see that," I'll reply then. Perhaps they at one point finds a way to conserve what is the human mind in some sort of computer? I'll buy me one of those, or anything other offering immortality.....This sure was cheerfull, and this is why I should stop writing when depressed......