Loneliness

So, time has once again chosen to deal me the card of The Loner, and as such I must prevail. Nothing more than a lonely spirit in the halls of life, haunting them in a somewhat faint hope of being acknowledged one day. Some have called me names indicating that I am a sexual predator and worse, and how wrong they are in their assumptions. Sex, as it is, is a lovely activity, in which I have to admit I enjoy to partake in, but it is hardly anywhere close to the reason for my loneliness. Sex in itself is NOT what I seek, or miss. I shall not say far from it, for that would indicate an opinion I do not stand for, but it is but a small, yea, almost unimportant part of that which I miss. And what IS it indeed that I long for so much, so much that I have written so much about it without mentioning it once? I miss the comfort, the very presence of that other half. I miss the feeling of falling asleep; stepping into the abyss of sleep, together with a person that means the world to me..... and I fear, in the very depth of what is my heart, that I shall never have that sensation fully again. I fear with every fiber that is me, that that door is forever closed.

Theory of miserable!

It would seem my theory still holds water. I'm heartbroken, broke and ill, and I've already written about as much in 3 days as I have in the months I've been somewhat content. So here you have me, a broken, battered shell of a man, writing to the vast emptiness of internet. It's funny how useful this seemingly useless activity really is. This is in truth the only place where one can be asshole, saint, cunt and cock all at the same time.

"The internet, where men are men, women are men and children are FBI-agents" 

Error. Retry?

So, I've made some mistakes during my time. Many mistakes... Quite the amount. But what separates me from a lot of people, I now realize, is that I usually try to learn from it. Surely, there's a whole lot of people out there who learns from it as well, probably the majority of people even, but there are still too many people who manages to get by totally oblivious to their many faults. People who treat everyone around them horribly, and in the same breath as they act outrageously rude or downright obnoxious, they berate you for a meaningless detail. And such rotten personalities are so common that the regular man adjusts himself after it, makes room for it. A character trait so disgusting that it should have been stomped out ages ago, dictates how we are supposed to feel and act and we're fucking clapping along with it.....

Drunk and all that jazz

I cannot spell, or write anything remarkably coherent. But I will write this, as a warning to my fellow men..... or something.

You may be in the illusion of providing Indian food at 5 Am, but this is a lie. So there. In x hours I will have the pleasures of eating bacon + nan-bread. right.

I had a small debate today on the topic of christianity and science. With creationists. Because they're not batshit insane or anything. It occurred to me that such a level of denial impossibly can be healthy in the long run. There was reason to hope that this age where knowledge can be obtained with little effort, there wouldn't be anyone thinking that way. They are basically the people sitting by their computers with their pop-tarts or something like that, arguing fanatically that ALL science is bad. Are they completely unable to see the missing piece of logic in their life at this point? Or are they truly longing to return to the days when hunting and foraging was the bomb? I'll never get these people I fear, and it actually makes me a bit sad. In danger of sounding arrogant beyond belief it almost feels like they have a disease and I'm unable to cure it.

Long time

So it seems my promise from earlier this year is proving hard to keep. I am not too surprised really, but I had hoped I'd be able to update this blog frequently. But I haven't forgotten it completely, as this here post shows. Currently I'm suffering through the annual work-camp where I put up with living at my mother's place so that I can make some money to pay rent and all those things so vital to live. And this year, no different from the one before that, this is the very definition of boring. Only big difference is that I'm playing Starcraft and Magic instead of WoW. I am compelled to write something here about my actual person life, but I feel that would be somewhat wrong, so there you have something interesting to guess. Make up something nice and all that.

Happy happy happyha ppyhap pyhappyhap

It is true what I've said earlier about not having anything to write about when you're happy. I think this has to do with the fact that you spend so much more time doing the things that make you happy, that writing blogs like this just becomes a chore rather than a pleasure. This is not always true though, and by no means do I write this as a chore, ever. I believe this time in my life can be described as some of the happiest I've ever seen. For once all seems to be right in the world; I have the most fantastic girlfriend, my LP-player and related music-network are up and working perfectly and my flat is now almost as I wanted it from the start. In other words: things are starting to be as they should, according to me that is. To say it in the words of the man I long to become one day: The sun is out, I have a cold beer and a glass of scotch, [insert good band name here] is playing on the record player and I sit here with the love of my life, what have I got to complain about? Now as all these things are true now as well, I feel they have to have a few years of maturing before their full meaning come into effect. And when they do I'll be the single most happy man in this world.